(Posted by FinerMinds, April 2013)
Relationships naturally go through ups and downs as the desire for closeness and autonomy changes.
Yet without attention and awareness, some of these natural phases can snowball creating a decline in the overall health of the relationship fairly rapidly. If you ever find yourself in a relationship discord, here are my top 10 ways to restore it back to a loving, harmonious and fulfilling state.
1) Surrender the Victory
Surrender the victory means to give up fighting to be right.
If you are fighting to be right, someone has to be wrong, and when this happens – the relationship losses. There is no true victory when you fight with your partner about who is right.
2) Get Humble
A small dose of humility goes a long way.
By this, I mean letting your partner and your relationship be your teacher. Be in your relationship as a curious child – taking the opportunity to learn with about yourself, your partner, and the nature of relating to each other in a healthy way.
If you can’t imagine doing this with your partner, let the power of love be your teacher and marvel at its immense power to take you up, and then bring you back down again.
3) Take Care of Your Emotions
Find alternative ways to identify, process and express your emotions. After all, they’re yours – your partner did not create them, so you must learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings.
4) Be Nice
This is so simple and it takes little effort.
Practice random acts of kindness with your partner, but do it without an agenda or an expectation. Do it because you can and because you probably need to. We are often kinder to strangers than we are to our beloveds.
5) Be Generous
Some of us may have difficulty giving and receiving positive feedback, compliments, gifts or gestures. Do not let this discourage you. The energy of giving and receiving is powerful – and should be done without an agenda.
6) Walk Away From Conflict
If things get heated – walk away, but you must also come back to it calmly, respectfully, responsibly and lovingly when things have settled down. This is absolutely essential.
Walking away includes coming back as soon as you have dealt with your own emotions – it doesn’t mean avoiding the situation.
7) Be Grateful
It is very easy to dismiss your partner’s role, support, encouragement and desires because of familiarity. Start looking for the positives – the everyday things your partner does that without, you’d miss or suffer in some way. Tell your partner of your appreciation each and everyday.
8) Respect Boundaries
Practice respect in your relationships. If someone asks for some time or space to sort through their emotions and evaluate their actions, give it to them. Do not be demanding in this manner, you will not have a good outcome or elicit love and trust.
Violation of boundaries is a great cause of resentment in relationships. Therefore, make it your mission to identify, communicate and honor boundaries.
9) Dedicate Time
Take planned and intentional time every week to immerse yourself in your relationship. Make your relationship a priority. Dedicate time to talk, love, touch, romance and resolve any issues with each other.
In the end, you’ll not look back and be happy you got the dishes done, or watched that football game, however, your heart will be happy if you can look back and know you were present, that you loved well, and invested your heart and time wisely. These are the dividends that pay off.
10) Vibrate Love
It is only the vibration, the intention and the activation of love that heals – nothing else.
When a relationship is based on fear – it can never heal. In a committed and loving relationship, if one is hurting, the other person is hurting too. Be the one to shift the fear to love – as when we let fear lead, we create more fear.
As Einstein rightly concluded:
“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
In order to restore your relationship, you must commit to doing things differently, and allow love to grow and issues to heal. Let love, patience and understanding lead the way, and watch your relationship become what you always imagined it to be.
Do you have any additional ways to restore a relationship that has lost its spark or connection? Please do share what they are below.